As we all know, Annoy Squidward Day is February 15th!

SpongeBob SquarePants has become a cultural touchpoint for many of us. This little laughing, yellow sponge has brought joy to countless people, with a crazy cast of supporting characters. While it is a cartoon, the success of the show was in the relatability of SpongeBob and his supporting characters—including the tritagonist Squidward Tentacles. We all know a “Squidward” in our lives. Someone who is grouchy, no fun, and difficult to interact with. Often looking for problems where there aren’t any, and dismissing ideas before they can even begin. Sometimes their comments are pointed and intended to hurt, other times they are too self-involved to even realize what they said would have an impact on you.

So how can we really manage these difficult people in our lives? We can’t, and shouldn’t, create a day meant to annoy them back—because we get nothing done by doing this. We need to improve that relationship first, otherwise that difficult to manage person is still going to be difficult for us at the end of the day.

Here are some tips for better handling our relationships with real life “Squidwards”:

1. Set clearly communicated boundaries
   • Often when dealing with a difficult person, we find that our feelings and opinions are not equally valued. We walk away from these interactions feeling disrespected, dismissed, and drained. This can be improved by setting clear emotional, and physical, boundaries with these individuals. This allows an opportunity to discuss how you have been feeling following these interactions, and what you will be doing in the future to protect yourself from further injurious feelings. While these conversations can be collaborative with this individual, it is ultimately up to you to enforce them in a way that feels best for you.
2. Maintain a calm and respectful demeanor
   • Do not let your emotions be swayed by theirs. Often emotional manipulation is a tool they utilize to overwhelm, or exhaust, you into getting their way. Maintain your calm and keep with your values of respect. It is acceptable to walk away or pause a conversation until calm has been restored.
3. Listen actively and empathically
   • Sometimes the difficult people in our lives are just as frustrated as we are. They too may not have felt heard, and think we are the “Squidward.” Sometimes we are. Listen actively to what they are saying, and ask open-ended questions to give them space to elaborate. Be a role model and model the empathic response you expect in return.
4. Choose your words wisely
   • Words matter. When they start lashing out with unkind and belittling things, do not attack back. We cannot control the words and actions of others, but we can control how we respond to them. These instances are moments where we can remind them of our boundaries, and excuse ourselves from damaging situations without compromising values.
5. Seek common ground with a solution in mind
   • When in discussions that have to have a resolution, seek areas on which you both share a common ground. Remind the other person that you have to work together to resolve this, and keep the conversation on track. Have your most ideal solution in mind when engaging with the difficult person, and see if something close can be achieved.
6. Use your body language effectively
   • We communicate with each other in other ways than just words. Keep a strong, confident posture while talking. Avoid body language that appears closed, defensive to that person. When you are through with conversation, leave the space so that they cannot attempt to immediately reopen the topic.
7. Find support
   • It can be difficult to let go of people who have grown away from us. As much as we would like the relationship to improve, sometimes there just isn’t an option for that to happen in the present. Grief is a powerful emotion, and state of being, that can be overwhelming to navigate on your own. It is okay to talk about your current feelings, and how the past affects you with someone trusted.

Lastly, relationships grow and change over time. They are conversations that require active participation to make work. Difficult people will come and go, and that is okay. Often a person will internalize the difficult person’s actions as extensions of themselves. Falsely believing that they are responsible for the way they are. With work and patience we can unwind ourselves from these harmful beliefs to rediscover the positives within ourselves and each other.

Sometimes working through these relationships and establishing new dynamics can be challenging to do on your own. At times the past does become very vivid and real again, which makes nearly impossible to move on in the present. Nicasa Behavioral Health Services has counselors and clinicians who have the knowledge, tools, and resources to work through these concerns in relationships, boundaries, communication styles, and more.

Nicasa Behavioral Health Services is here to help support your mental health concerns and recovery. If you, or a loved one, needs behavioral health support please contact us today at 847-546-6450 or info@nicasa.org.